Why we’d rather burn out than slow down

Do you ever wonder how many of the people you see on a daily basis are just walking shop fronts with nothing left inside? How many are trying so hard to grind out a few extra miles when clearly the oil change is long overdue? I am one of those people—I am burnt out.

I feel embarrassed saying it, because anyone who knows me would never guess it. I’m usually so full of energy for people, so optimistic, so “let’s do this!” Underneath this is a dark, nasty secret. I crash every day as soon as I get home from work. I pass out shortly after I’m through the door. Yesterday when I got home I went straight to lie down on the carpet because I felt like my clothes were too gross to lie on the bed, and even though it hurt my neck, I just fell asleep there.

But what a fraud! The whole day I was interacting with people, smiling, having insightful conversations. I gave a presentation to a crowd and was truly energetic and engaging. I was switched ON for everyone else, but I crashed as soon as I got home. I do that every day. 

This morning I actually couldn’t get out of bed. I gave myself another hour to sleep, another hour, but still I couldn’t move. I got online and took leave for the day and proceeded to sleep for most of the day. When I came to I got on my phone and started answering work emails again in my bright, cheery tone. Who am I? What am I even doing? All I'm doing is driving ever faster down the same old highway leading to exhaustion and illness and hell. This is burnout.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why would we rather burn out than slow down and refocus our attention on the things that bring us joy? I think that as the social fabric that is supposed to be holding us all together disintegrates, we have a growing thirst for meaning. Some of us may have heard from our elders, “Find a career that you love, and you’ll never have to 'work' a day in your life.” Well, that sounds lovely, but at this point in my life, it feels like a load of shit. Yes, you should follow your passion, but if that passion takes you into a traditional workplace, whether it’s a university or a hospital or a large organization of some sort, you will find yourself in a world that’s not all about passion. It’s about politics and efficiency and appearances and the bottom line. So that means that every ounce of sweat coming off your brow for that workplace is not necessarily furthering your passion or making the world a better place; it’s likely going to politics and efficiency and appearances and the bottom line. If this is the kind of place where you work, it means you’re not likely to see the fruits of your labor in society. After a while you may question whether what you’re doing is really achieving anything of meaning for the world at all.

Emails keep flooding your inbox, projects keep starting, meetings keep taking place, and you need to be there and be switched on. So even though your soul is losing its sense of meaning and direction, you keep pushing onward. And when you run out of steam, you paradoxically try to push even harder. Until one day you stop. You have a mental breakdown or worse, a heart attack, and your body actually forces you to stop this madness.

Humans need meaning to live just like plants need water. Many of us, after a quick “break,” however, will get right back on that damned highway to hell. We would rather burn out again than dare question the lack of meaning in what we’re doing.

So what’s the solution? I believe we have to slow down and take charge of our own meaning. I had a friend growing up who would smell everything she came into contact with. It was so bizarre—she would even smell boxes and papers and things most people wouldn’t think to smell. We would be in a supermarket together viewing the same items, but she would pick them up and smell them. Even though we were in the exact same environment, we were focusing on different things.

The workplace is no different. You can go in each day and focus on trying to make an impact on the world and work your ass off and burn yourself out eventually OR you can go into the exact same environment and focus on your favorite fonts for email replies, focus on who is at the coffee shop downstairs when you’re waiting in line, focus on who has gotten fatter and who has gotten skinnier—whatever the hell you want to focus on! And then you can pick up your things at the end of the day when everyone else is on their way out, and with the blissful smile that you get when you’re walking out of a spa, just say “See you tomorrow,” to them all and go home. The difference between View 1 and View 2 is that in View 1 you will need to drink yourself into a stupor or pass out when you get home to cope with the fact that you're working in a place that doesn't value your need for impact and in View 2 you might feel like watering your garden or going for a walk around your neighborhood. It’s a major difference. It’s the difference between burning out and slowing down.

You may say, now wait! Where is the meaning in that? The meaning in View 2 is that you are living life as your own boss. By controlling the pace at which you live and where you choose to focus your attention, you are in control of your meaning. Even though you work for a workplace that doesn’t hold the same values and hopes for the world that you do, you get to make your own life decisions. You’re an individual, so that means you get to decide what gives you meaning and how to accomplish it.

So, let’s say you want to provide people with the tools to better their own health. Well, how would you most enjoy doing that? After all, you're the boss. Maybe you would enjoy writing a children’s book to teach healthy eating habits. Maybe you want to become a Dr. Oz-like YouTube sensation with helpful how-to videos. Maybe you just want to ask your friends to come hiking with you so that you can all get some exercise. Totally up to you. You might even be able to use your workplace to carry out your sense of meaning. Maybe your workplace has access to cool graphics design tools. Maybe your professional connections might be able to help you with what you’re really trying to achieve. Maybe you use your coffee break to plan your next blog post or your next cabin in the woods. Up to you. You are your boss. You decide your meaning and you decide how to execute it. All while showing up to your workplace and taking comfort in the fact that you (thankfully!) are not the boss of that ship because you have your own ship to sail. Your ship is going to chart new waters and find a place of meaning and bliss for you. That is called slowing down and taking the helm.

Let me know how you go!